New year, new me amiright?! As annoying as that saying is to hear it’s also kind of true. I’ve never been one who’s been super into making resolutions, not that I had the fear of not achieving what ever goals I set but I honestly have never been in the mindset of the whole new year, new me “vibe”. I’ve never strived to work out more to lose weight, I’ve never had any crazy bad habits I’ve needed to quit, never needed to get more organized nor did I need to make a more/stronger conscious effort to each more veggies or healthier in general; I’ve always been pretty set in all of those areas, in some I’m downright OCD – neurotic. How did people find this idea fun & how did they think of goals to set? Literally the entire concept was a mystery to me. It wasn’t until last night when I was laying in bed wide awake & Netflix was being glitchy (thank I only have 2 episodes left of YOU season 2 left) I was left scrolling on social media and I don’t know what it was but something clicked in my head to really dig deep and think about who I was, was I happy with the person I was currently, was I happy in life as a whole, was I doing everything I could to be happy, was a I fulfilled spiritually, do I feel like my parents are proud to tell people I’m their daughter, were my friends overjoyed to share how great of a friend I was to them? Was I proud & confident in the women I was? Not to get heavy but it was a random moment of serious self reflection to where I let my guard down with myself and was whole hearted honest in how I felt. I started jotting notes down in my phone of thoughts I was having. Before I knew it I had unconsciously made my NYR.
My New Year's resolution,
- accepting the good & the love that comes
- be more vulnerable and let my guard down more, not only with others but with myself – be open to new situations & experiences
- stop stressing about things that haven’t happened yet or that I can’t control
- work harder
- be proud of myself
- exercise more – it makes every NYR list but it’s true I do need to get my body moving more than it does
- stop comparing
- grow my faith
- grow SIEB – if you’re new around here SIEB ( style is everything boutique) is my boutique
In 2019 I let me stand in my way of myself/everything. I have never been more insecure than I have been this year. Not insecurities as in my looks or monetary things such as the brand of handbag I’m carrying or the type of car I’m driving but insecurities about myself and my happiness. It’s like I didn’t feel whole or complete. Something has been missing and I think that something is me. I’ve never had to worry for anything ever, I don’t been to sound like a spoiled brat but I have been every fortunate in many ways. It wasn’t until maybe the last handful of years that I realized that I had been coasting through life. I’ve never really had to push myself to do anything, everything just always happened the way I wanted….until now. Until reality slapped me in the face, I am an adult. I am responsible for myself. I have to work hard & make an effort to make things happen. I realized that I was going to struggle and that it was ok. It was ok to not be ok and it was normal to not have it all. I wasn’t going to live the life I envisioned because I was doing nothing to earn it. I wanted the universe to give me everything. Accepting this has changed my entire outlook and quite frankly kind of shook me to my core. I don’t know if I was able to explain it or if I just rambled a bunch of nonsense because it seems damn near impossible to put into words the revelation I’ve had.
Basically to sum up this entire post, I want to work harder & put more effort into absolutely aspect of my life. I was totally & completely lackadaisical in 2019, I want this new decade to be one for the books!